It only makes karmic sense that an Italian that shares the same birthday and same downtown San Francisco roots as Italy’s greatest ballplayer ever would wind up the division honoring his name. The-not-do-great Sabatini once invited the all-time great DiMaggio to his 9th great birthday party (RSVP was not replied to, sadly). Rumor has it they are both kind of cranky with a hankering for challenging blondes and equal success or lack thereof in that arena. But that may be where the similarities end. What Tuscany does on the baseball field remains to be seen, but Joe D from North Beach— who pretty much demanded the title greatest living player until he died (Willie Mays was kind of enough to smile and let it go by)—will forever be a legend on the diamond.

Let’s see where the competition for greatest Italian team lands: 

Tuscany Vespas 

Tuscany is built for 2025 with the notable exception of its two best pitchers Alcantara and Cole. But the team built for 2025 with an eye on competitiveness in 2024, so that must explain why Senior Citizens Jose Altuve, JD Martinez, set up man David Robertson, RF George Springer, and half the bullpen were signed to play prominent roles. Uh, let’s not talk about 2026? 

Tuscany’s bullpen is deep with a strong mix of lefties and righties, though neither Jason Adam nor Jose Alvarado are “closers” in the purest sense of the word. A real closer slotted in above both would make the bullpen among the league’s best. Offensively the Vespas want to be scooting around the base paths… not like stolen bases and such (the team is a lot of plus-30 guys as noted above) but just bat-to-ball and a lot of walks to constantly stir it up. If Cole and Alcantara are the Cy Young types they should to be, the Vespas should be a contender for the playoffs and promotion. If not… hey, there’s always 2025 (and another year older).

San Francisco Lightsabers 

The Lightsabers, proudly hailing from Dimaggio’s hometown, wanted to stay under 30 with most of their picks and still be as competitive as possible, which they did over and over until at last a premier position with more under 30 studs than any other, looked pretty empty except one starter: Xander Boegarts. Not under 30 and not even a SS for much longer (or healthy or hitting, but let’s ignore all of that for now). The Xman and the Lightsabers were a shotgun wedding, but the honeymoon is going to be all too sweet. Joining youngsters Casas and Riley on the IF, this could be the best in the conference. Riley Greene in CF will set the table, and then the mixing and matching will begin. The offense will score some runs. 

It’s those guys trudging up the mound that will be real difference makers if the young Jedi will rise up to Obi Wan Daveobi’s dreams of playoff, promotion and glory. Evan Phillips is a lockdown closer, backed by lefty Kimbrell. Hunter Harvey manhandles the 8th. Leads should be protected from the Evil Empires. But what about those other innings? Kyle Braddish is an #2 in Ace clothing, Bobby Miller is a future ace (well maybe… it ain’t pretty right now). Michael King can be a swiss army knife until next year… and then… we’ll let’s just see how the likes of Descalfini, Martinez and … whoever else does. If they pitch to league average, the Lightsabers will be far better than that.

Wausau Barrelmen

Those Wisconsin folks like real men. Grab an ax and chop some wood kinda men. Hit it hard. Throw it hard, throw it back after the game hard. So of course, Wausau went out and rounded up a bunch of hard-throwing youngsters to impress the locals: Ragans, Sanchez, Bibee, Keller and the hardest thrower of them all Hunter Greene (The Cheeseheads especially like Hunters). Yeah, there is also some bullpen guys that will come in and try to hold on, but the plan is to let the big dogs eat. 

Offensively, let the big boys let ‘er fly, led by #2 overall pick Bobby Witt Jr. Diaz dream season will do his damage, along with Santander and Swusinski with some good young talent and hometown favorites like Mitchell and Frelick. Young guys like Matos and Pasquantino and Brennan should only grow. It’s a pretty straightforward approach, for a straight forward crowd aiming to take down rivals SF and Tuscany where fellow managers have some track record fighting it out with each other. Belly up to the bar boys! 

Galesburg Wizards 

The Wizards plan on spending 2024 in a final year of Wizard school, expecting a big graduation in 2025 and beyond. The kids will get a year of tuneup before turning loose their magic on the rest of the Champions league. Bars will check IDs on team leader Baby Face Kwan, Volpe, Morel, Paredes, Gorman Vaughn and O’Hoppe, but they won’t need to check their pedigree or former lofty prospect rankings. Add time, experience and poof, magic. 

On the pitching side, fine young talent led by Ace Justin Steele will also spend 2024 on the portal that comes from Platform 9 ¾ along with fireballer turned starter Justin Hicks, Abbott, Falter, De Los Santos, Smith-Shawver, Priester and more. 

Nobody is waiting for magic transportation to the playoffs and premiere glory this year, but… coming soon to a Galesburg Park near you…

Montana Explorers

Not so fast, Wizards, comes the mountain-man bellow from “across the pond.” The Explorers just might have something to say about DiMaggio Division Front-Runner, circa 2025. Montana started and began the draft with the steely-eyed focus of a disciplined horse trader. None of the bright-light blinky bobbles circa 2024 swayed the Explorers determination. Pick and relentless pick, Montana looked for talent, coming soon… sound familiar? Ace Tarik Skubal. Check. Closer Munoz. Check. Comeback pitcher of the year, Jack Flaherty. Check. Walker, check. Houck, Check. .. uh wait, someone has to throw this year: Blackburn, Smyly, Hudson. Check check check. 

Offensively, Durran looks like a lock atop the lineup, as does Connor Wong behind the plate. Turang is a multi-dimensional infielder in a below the Mendoza Line disguise. Sure, ten years ago Jurickson Profar was an elite prospect, and he’s pretty good, decent utility guy, right? Wait ‘till next year. Check. Superstar under the drinking age talent, Welcome to the Big Sky State Mr. Chourio.. Buy a parka. And so it went. Did it work? The battle between Galesburg and Montana will be coming soon… unless of course, it opens in a tri-plex with some southern cooking still thrown into the mix…

Charlotte Hornets 

Welcome to Charlotte! Home of Ace Jared Parker… well… home of Future Ace Jared Parker. Or is it Ace Bryan Woo. Or wait, is it Lefty fireballer Kyle Harrison, or Righy Sheehan? Well they will all get in line behind the true ace, Zac Gallen. Sure this year, there will be far more Flexen and Waldichuck following Gallen than any of these aforementioned future aces (hide your eyes and protect your cars parked behind the bleachers!). But the Hornets indeed have a “pocket full of aces, horses, none of them used.” Prince would be proud. All eyes will be on the Hornets star of the show, wonder kid Elly De La Cruz as he leads an offensive long on athleticism and short on results including Rafeala, Abreu, Busch and more. Who’s on First? Third base! Womp womp, nobody really cares because the AAA franchise will be the biggest draw as will 2025 when these three that raced to the bottom rise to the top