The greatest ballplayer who ever lived (until maybe Shohei Ohtani arrived on the scene) called it a life and passed away recently. The teams in the division bearing his name will have a lot to live up to, but based on the early reviews, they may be well up to the task. Let’s dive in!
Bellagio Big Slick
There’s an old joke about every time a baseball player strikes out, there’s a clock in heaven that both hands spin around 24 hours to reset. Well, as the joke goes, “where is Joey Gallo’s clock?” The angel says, “in the kitchen. We’re using it as a fan.”
The same could be said for Kyle Schwarber, Max Muncy, or Mickey Moniak… or about 9 different hitters in Bellagio. The Big Slick are going to swing and miss… alot. The Fans will be whirling.
But… they’re going to mash a lot too. And with Co-Aces Corbin Burnes and Kodai Senga on the mound, followed by solid middle rotation guys in Walker, Kirby and Quintana, opposing teams won’t get much of a day off ever in the 162-game gauntlet of the Premiere Conference.
Lefties Cosgrove and Chapman hand the torch to closer Diaz (the younger) with fellow fire-ballers Lange, Brash and Topa, all working to close out games once the first 3-run homer is registered. It’s a team built on the so-called three outcomes. The Big Slick are betting one of those outcomes is playoff gold. Whether then win or not, the fans are sure to be cool, with all the fans blowing.
Ohio Juggernauts
Lead it off with the most dynamic player in the sport, Ronald Acuna Jr. and you’re in pretty good shape (this year, anyway). 40 HR 60 SB will help every team.
Add in some soon-to-be Hall of Fame nominees like Paul Goldschmidt, Manny Machado and Mike Trout and sure as shooting, the Juggernauts are going to have active season ticket sales.
With all those marquee names, the pitching staff may be where Ohio really shines. Spencer Strider is the definition of a young, fireballing ace (or was until Paul Skenes came along and Spencer blow out his elbow, but that for another day/year’s conversation). Kutter Crawford is a young, up and coming, #2. The back of the bullpen with Josh Hader and Ian Hamilton are downright nasty.
If Ohio makes a run, look for plenty of star power theatries at home plate, and quiet determination on the mound to make it happen.
Merrimack Red Sox
In true Red Sox form, this team can hit, And that’s an understatement, because they are playing 81 home games in Coors Field. Expect insane offense out of Merrimack. I mean insane. Like maybe a team batting average of .300 that also vies for the lead in overall team HRs.
Yandy Diaz is a .300/.400/.500 guy who could turn into a 1.000 OPS guy in Coors. Nolan Jones should mash both high average and power (and stolen bases). Oh and we almost failed to mention the franchise, Mookie Betts, who seems like the early frontrunner for MVP.. Maybe something like .340/40HRs and gold glove defense?
The true test of the mettle for the Sox is when it’s their turn to throw the pea in the rarefied Denver air. What then? Well Merrimack signed two pitchers that might just play well in Coors: Ace Sonny Gray and #2 Eduardo Rodriguez. If those two can thrive then a deep bullpen around Armstrong, Graterol, Milner and Faedo can limit damage while the Sox hitters get to work. It just may be a winning formula.
Wheeling Screamers
Sparky Anderson once said that up the middle defense and pitching were the two most important factors in becoming a world champ. Well, the Screamers decided that ALL defense and pitching would be even better. With 1s around the IF, two CF studs and other strong gloves, there is ZERO doubt we’re looking at the best defense in the league. Maybe in any league.
The ace is, of course, groundball stud Logan Webb, to let this team’s gold glove defense shine. Early Cy Young favorite, anyone? Well he’ll have to beat out co-ace Zach Wheeler who is sure to rack up more Ks and benefit from those gloves just as much. Closer Trevor Scott could get 60 saves or more as games in Wheeling are sure to be tight.
So where do the runs come from? (And no, they can’t borrow from Merrimack’s excess). That’s the $64,000 question (dating myself). Unheralded Christian Walker is a bashing anchor to be sure (and yes, he got completely screwed by the Boras Machine that got Alonso in the All-Star game over him). Who protects Walker is a sore spot as the rest of the lineup doesn’t put much fear into anyone. Realmuto is an elite catcher, though not sure how much that translates to Strat. Other than that.. The Screamers will scratch and claw and few runs and hold on… telling pitchers to put the damn ball in play and let the stars catch it.
Mega City Gimps
In terms of star talent in the OF, it’s hard to do much better than Juan Soto and Luis Robert (though to think of it, the Yankees have in Aaron Judge and Soto, but that’s a different conversation for another year). The Gimps could easily lead the division (and maybe the league?) in HRs as the team bashes from 1-9. It also strikes out a lot! Like potentially more than Bellagio strikes out, which as we have covered, is a LOT.
Will the pitching hold up? There isn’t a true ace… but Dale Dunning and Tyler Glasnow will give it their best shot. Michael Wacha, the age-less Charlie Morton and Yu Darvish provide a solid, not stellar rotation. Is Brasier a closer? Is Santos? Raley isn’t but he’ll bridge to… someone? It’s bullpen by committee in Mega City.
Cannon’s Cowboys
The Cowboys were the last team to make the Premiere Conference, but don’t be surprised if they end up in more lofty heights by season’s end. Why? Let’s start with the Unicorn Shohei Ohtani who will anchor the lineup and the rotation. With Luis Arrazz spraying balls in front of him, expect a lot of top of the order thunder. Get a glimpse of Wander Franco while you can and shake your head at what is lost as he tears up the league a final time. But then shift your eyes to Royce Lewis and see the star power, when he can actually be on the field and not in the trainers room.
After Ohtani takes the mound, he’ll be followed by Clayton Kershaw at his finest. The Cowboys will sneak in Brandon Woodruff and Wade Miley and even a touch of Chris Sale. Five years ago this rotation was only seen in the All-star game, but for a bunch of oldies but goodies, it may just get it done this year as well, so long as a cast of characters bullpen holds up at the back of games.